The Stain Upon My Heart
by Alucard's Familiar
Summary: What is honor anyways? Is it the pride that one carries for the accomplishments they, or their ancestors, have made at some point in time? And are these accomplishments important enough to endues pride? Stem off or give birth to honor? Maybe. Revised


Alucard's Familiar: "I think I'm depressed, but I'm not sure, and if I am, I am not sure for what reason. Or maybe I am just unsure to begin with."

Seras: "Wha?"

Alucard's Familiar: "Sorry, I've hit an angsty point and that's all I seem to be writing. This little one-shotter is in Integra's POV. My first POV. Integra sits in her cell and watches as the blood and wine drip from Alucard's hand."

Seras: "Standard disclaimer. AF is freaky like this. I'm going to find something to make her stop being…depressed…or unsure…or whatever she is."

The Stain Upon My Heart

He's so…amusing, and so persistent.

I watch as he crushes the crystal wine glass in his hand, the wine mingling with his own blood, dripping to the floor. It's strangely entrancing, watching each drop fall.

"The choice is yours."

I barely hear him. I am watching the blood-wine drip to the floor. The color in itself is strangely calming, yet exciting at the same time. It is different, different from the drab mold and mildew-covered walls of my cell. It's almost holy.

I watch as they fall to the floor. The journey they make is so short. Like a mans life, short, and it normally ends as the drops his the floor, unnoticed. I feel as though I am one of those drops, falling, in the middle of my journey towards my death that is the floor rising up so swiftly and steadily.

Yet these drops, these crimson gems, are so tantalizing. I wish to reach out and catch them, as though reaching out and catching myself from my inevitable death in the future. Yet I cannot bring myself to lift my arm. It is like a lead weight, holding me down, like my name, my family honor.

What is honor anyways? Is it the pride that one carries for the accomplishments they, or their ancestors, have made at some point in time? And are these accomplishments important enough to endues pride? Stem off or give birth to honor? Maybe.

I question my honor now. Is it truly what I have been told and brought up into believing it is? We're my ancestors truly great? I myself do not know, for I was not there. Alucard was, amusingly enough, for he was supposedly what gave my family this great honor. Killing the fabled greatest No Life King. Yet they did not. He is standing in front of me, trying to make me into something my family is destined to rid the world of. So there is no honor and pride in what they did. Only a lie. I guess that answers my own question.

So I have no honor, what I thought I had was a lie, and my pride and title have been stripped of me by those bastards that the Queen thought were trustworthy men. I hope the traitorous bastard who caused this died slowly and painfully.

Funny, how watching mere drops of blood can make one recollect on some of the strangest thoughts.

Maybe Alucard's blood isn't tainted. Maybe it's my own blood that is tainted, has been tainted for so many centuries. Surely his is not pure, but whose is? Mine is not now that I think of it in this way, so maybe his is. Maybe it is purer than even the Holy Water that we use to kill off his kind. Strangely ironic how that thought seems to make complete sense yet is a total contradictory in itself at the same time.

I refocus my eyes on the blood, and this time my arm can move, bringing it up in time to catch a drop. I watch as the liquid substance spreads out and leaves a vivid stain on my white glove. I feel myself smile. I am that stain, the stain that is now left on my family name, the name that was already covered in lies.

I feel a strange weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Have I come to a conclusion? When did my mind even begin to consider it? Or had I ever needed to? I am unsure.

Unsure, that is a feeling I have felt more often now than I ever have before. I felt at one time a security, like things were going smoothly. I do not, cannot, pinpoint an actual time where everything started to go downhill. I just know that it did, and now I am sitting under the rubble and debris, trying to figure out how to dig myself out. One answer could be right in front of me, and I focus my eyes on him once again.

He steps back as I stand from the monstrosity they call a bed. His glasses are gone, and I can see he is anxious for my answer. I shed my suit jacket, not caring that it lands in the small puddle of blood that has collected on the floor.

"I told you at one time to read my thoughts Alucard," I said, "But you said you had, and that you wanted to hear it from me." He was curious, I could see it in his eyes, could see that he didn't know my answer. I find his uncertainty amusing. "My pride and title are gone, the honor I thought I had is a lie, and the people I work for are traitors." I untie my cravat, "I am a lie. Maybe I should start seeing the truth, by living it as something that I thought unfit to be on this earth. My choice," I close my eyes for a moment, then open them, determined, "is yes."

OOOO

Alucard's Familiar: "Now I feel devious."

Seras: "I can see why."

Alucard's Familiar: (Snicker) "This was just my take on the end of the series. No one really knows what was going on in Integra's mind then, and the smile she makes only makes the imagination run in circles."

Seras: "Makes sense."

Alucard's Familiar: "Depending on feedback, I may continue this for a few more chapters. Maybe. So please review! (Grin)


End file.
